i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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