My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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