Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
