It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
