Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
