My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
