I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have feelings that need drinking.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
