Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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