Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
