Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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