dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
