Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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