stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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