and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize