just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
