Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
