Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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