Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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