I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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