i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
