If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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