OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize