I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
