girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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