what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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