Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize