If i come over, it means nothing
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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