God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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