Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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