yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
