I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
