omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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