So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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