I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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