Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
