Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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