I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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