you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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