If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me I should be a condom model.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
