I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
