I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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