found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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