peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
