As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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