smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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