Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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