The maid of honor just puked.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
