I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
