Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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