But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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