Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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