ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sober January is a disaster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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