I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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