i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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