i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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