she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i think i just lost a toe
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
