okay pat passed out under dana's car
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
