Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
