all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
