one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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