I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
