you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
