i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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