hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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