she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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