last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
