You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
