New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
