hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
