I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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