Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
